View From the Spire: Car Crash

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls; I write in a certain mental and physical state (for which I apologise in advance) as I can confirm that I’ve been traumatised by being a spectator to a truly awful incident; eyewitness to a serious car crash.

Firstly, I can report that no one was seriously hurt in this car crash. There were perhaps a few minor short term injuries sustained, however there was no private ambulance required and no evidence of any loss of blood at the scene.

The crash took me completely by surprise and the first thing that caught me was the noise. And what a noise it was! A heavy metallic thumping and grinding, so loud, I could hardly believe it and had to close my eyes and cover my ears as it went on and on. I think, although I am unsure, that I could hear voices over the noise – which continued for around 4 or 5 minutes…through hearing this noise alone, it was clear that something was severely wrong.

The incident took place at a well known accident black spot – a place where a number of similar accidents are known to have been concentrated over many years. It is still uncertain what the overall total of serious incidents have taken place over the years but it is thought that it could be well in to the tens of thousands. The location of this: STV, Channel 3 or ITV Scotland depending on what your preference.

Interestingly, not only was I witness to this incident just last night around 10.35, but at almost exactly the same time the day before and the day before that. It appears to happend at the very same location everyday where nearly exactly the same thing happens.

Amazingly, in all cases, the same two individuals have been involved. They are journalist, TV presenter and concert pianist Gerry McCulloch and his blond colleague Sheelagh Somebody-or-other – both of STV.

The reasons for their exact being together remain unclear however it is believed that they have been headlined for the new American styled fast paced music driven televisual car crash (of which STV are seemingly experts!) called The STV Sports Centre – which follows the sour faced Louise White’s Scottish part of the ITV news not just once, oh no, but each weekday and each weekend evening for evermore.

As STV are experts in car crash tele (wknd@STV, The Hour, Scotsport – the list is practically endless!) you would think that they would learn to stop being adventurous; let others blaze a trail of credibility through creativity given the credentials of The Home Show (with Viv and Alan) and the Munro Show with the hyperactive, garish and whinging white topped Muriel Grey.

However, brave pills must have been passed around the office recently and I am begging, nay pleading, with the powers that be to do something positive and take head of this gentle warning.

Now in some cases treatment of accident black spots leads to the complete removal of the root problem of common incident concentration or appropriate signage, restrictions, limits etc; all of which have usually been designed to reduce the overall effect of injury or death from involvement.

However, there are also rare occasions when such treatment results in an increase in casualties and in one notable experiment, a number of accident black spots were bizarrely “treated” with “null” treatment – and in one case, the bizarre placement of a garden gnome. These actions apparently resulted in a significant reduction in incidents – with some people clearly taking drastic alternative action. In this case, and despite the placement of a Gerry “The Gnome” McCulloch, would mean that people would turn over or turn off – much as I did and will do.

And before anyone runs away to get the lovable Austin Lafferty (remember ask the lawyer?) to write a letter advising I cease and desist, we must remember that STV are not renowned for good tele. They are not even up to date with the news see here (posted yesterday!).

So as an individual with a continued interest in sports news, and before I am blinded, made deaf and made to suffer phoney American style presenters and programming for the Scots (much the same as has happened with Scottish commercial radio!), are there any better ways to broadcast this on our National news programme?

For once, I would appreciate your thoughts, insight and possible ideas…


About davidmorganjenkins
I am an experienced international, commercial, strategic business leader delivering customer focussed initiatives for world class leisure & sports brands. I have a credible track record of leadership and senior management experience in particular with business operations, marketing & business development within leisure, sport, ecommerce/retail & B2C sectors. I have a unique creative vision, supported by sound financial management & budgetary responsibility having increased brand awareness, sales & core revenue by 60% & profit 200 % at Football Aid over a 3 year period. In parallel, I am centred on attention to detail ensuring a consistent product offering and the greatest possible customer experience. This is delivered through strong collaborative teamwork and creating a culture of creativity, determination and enthusiasm amongst team members. I possess an ability to cement & develop relationships at all levels and can easily engage, report to & upwardly manage share & stakeholder alliances ensuring delivery of business objectives. Key skills Developing & implementing business plans focussing on sales, profits & volume Bringing sales & marketing strategy to life to inspire customers; making visions/dreams a reality Customer service; driving enhanced customer satisfaction & delivering a reputation for excellence Developing, influencing & implementing plans & partnerships that deliver competitive advantage Effective planning & delivery of multiple channel, venue & geographical programmes & projects Leading & managing operation, marketing & business development teams to believe in their ability to succeed Experience headlines Commercial; sales, strategy, development, marketing, sponsorship, promotion, customers service Business administration: P&L, performance, improvement & operational management Marketing & brand; communications, brand management, development & membership/loyalty Ecommerce & retail; FMCG, optimisation, data (CRM), social media, SEO, PPC & affiliates Technology; CRM, web TV, new media, smart phone/iPhone applications

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