BBC Announcement

We found this amusing this Friday morning….

From the BBC – Read by John Cleese.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey,!” “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.

Ballesteros out but still fighting for major success at The 150th Open

Three-time Open champion Seve Ballesteros, who was the first to confirm his appearance in the Open Champions’ Challenge, has been advised by Doctors not to make the return to St Andrews 26 years after he famously triumphed on the Old Course in 1984.

While this is a blow to the golfing legend personally, legions of his supporters and well wishers and the R&A; Seve will still have a major presence at The Championships this year due to the launch of the worlds most comprehensive online golf academy that bears his name at

Seve Soft HandsWhile crowds of over 120,000 are expected to line the fairways to watch former Champions including Tom Watson and Sir Nick Faldo battle it out over 4 days – Seve and his team will be managing a high profile launch of an Academy that brings interactive coaching to a new technological level; online, with links to social networking, a significant events schedule and for portability – via smart phone.

The Seve Ballesteros Academy is a unique golf coaching platform, developed by Edinburgh-based Optimal Analysis Solutions, which allows golfers to interactively learn the characteristic, instinctive “Natural” play, made famous by the five-time major winner. Seve will participate in the launch via live video link at the Optimal golf simulator in the Tented Village of the 150th Open Championships at St Andrews in July.

The platform is a complete online coaching tool that enables golfers of all abilities the chance to learn the way of the three-times Open Champion’s natural methodology – playing with passion, intuition and in particular, mastering the key skills required to conquer the short game.

The Academy will provide a unique online and mobile phone offering and become a key part of a golfer’s personal tuition. The Seve Academy simulator will also attend a number of tour and retail events to engage golfers and corporate partners who, at core, will benefit from demonstrations and coaching on how Seve made doing it the hard way, look breathtakingly easy!

At, golfers will also have access to an extensive library of multimedia lessons, exercises and tips, coupled with unique and exclusive footage of Seve throughout his successful career.

Seve AcademySeve has in recent weeks been spending a lot of time providing up-to-date content for the Academy while also calling upon friends and colleagues to rally together to assist. This will include support from top male and female touring professionals as well as celebrity friends keen to support golf’s hero.

Corporate organisations and the media will also be able to be able to benefit while showing support, using the same unique content to reward staff and promote various aspects of their own corporate or retail business.

Profits from the Seve Ballesteros Academy will fund a number of projects supported through his Foundation.

Seve Ballesteros Foundation

The Seve Ballesteros Foundation was set up with a two-fold mission and in the UK now works closely with Cancer Research UK in helping to provide:

• Funding brain cancer research projects
• Funding underprivileged children in Spain with the skills and drive required to help them achieve their dreams in the golf world, through access to pro golf coaching

In the UK, the Seve Ballesteros Foundation works in partnership with Cancer Research UK to fund vital research into brain tumours.


Optimal Analysis is a sports performance analysis solutions company. Since 2004, it has allowed countless sportsmen to achieve a higher level of performance using the latest performance-enhancing technology.

Based in Edinburgh, with a presence across the globe, employing a mix of sports, IT and business professionals, Optimal has the products, skills and experience across sports and marketing environments including: technological solutions, online academies, marketing and advertising experience.

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Dartfish shows Usain Bolt could be faster!

Legendary Olympic champion and world record holder, Michael Johnson expertly showcased the unique performance analysis functions of Dartfish in his recent BBC feature on Usain Bolt.

Johnson utilised various Dartfish features, including drawing tools, to outline the physical and technical characteristics of the double Olympic champion.  Specifically he pointed out how Bolt’s large build presents real challenges for the 24-year-old, as standing at 6’5, Bolt is forced to run in a much more upright position than his rivals. Johnson highlights, using his Dartfish analysis tools, how this is traditionally viewed as a limiting factor in sprinting, due to a higher centre of gravity resulting in a reduced rate of acceleration.

However, these apparent technical deficits are unlikely to provide much comfort to Bolt’s major rivals; The Jamaican clocked 9.84 over 100m this week in Korea, the fastest time this year, and Johnson’s closing remarks sound ominous for his fellow competitors: “Can he be faster is the question everybody wants to know?……….Absolutely.”

Michael Johnson utilises Dartfish motion analysis technology at his Michael Johnson Performance Centre, a world-class establishment providing the highest levels of coaching support to professional and emerging athletes. To view the original BBC segment and see Dartfish in action please click here.

For more information on how Dartfish Video Analysis software could aid you and your organisation please visit Optimal’s website: or email Optimal Analysis.